Reflection shared by Cathy Nguyen (she/her). Cathy, a proud alum from Villanova University, is currently serving in Ashland, MT (’23-25) as the Mission and Ministry Liaison at St. Labre Indian School. After her service years, Cathy will go on to study at Boston College Clough School of Theology and Ministry.
“Slow down you crazy child…”
This classic by Billy Joel has over time become the anthem for my past two years as a JV. Let me tell you why…
As an East coast child, my feet have always moved at a fast pace. I always needed to be on the go-go-go, just to keep up with the beat of Philly city. Somewhere along the way, it had been ingrained in me that the faster you went, the more you accomplished and the more you were getting out of life. That “doing-oriented” culture, despite its felt burning toll, was the only way I knew how to live. As I discerned what to do with my life after college, I decided to serve with St. Labre Indian School in Ashland, MT because I finally realized that something. needed. to change.
But the change wasn’t immediate. As many JVs do, I came into my first service year ready to make as much of a difference as possible within the time that I had. For a while, this focus had me running from place to place even on our cozy campus where call and email did indeed exist and everyone knew everyone. For some reason, although the beat of the scene had slowed, my feet did not. This was, until one day, in mid-March of 2024, I’m pacing around, as I had become known to do, and when I finally took a moment to stop, I broke down. As one of my favorite elders embraced me in my vulnerability, she gave me a gentle but firm command, that was, to “slow down.”
Ashland JVs pictured above with Claire Lucas (Ashland, MT ’20-21)
I won’t lie. In that moment, I felt waves of many different emotions going through my body. It’s not that these weren’t words I hadn’t heard before; both from folks in Philly and here in Montana. For some reason, this time, these words hit differently. Had I upset her? Was I upsetting other people? I quickly became upset and frustrated with myself. I reflected; I only moved so quickly because I cared. There is so much to be done. I wanted people to know that I cared and wanted them to care too. Why?
What is my hurry about? As I reflected on why these words struck me so deeply, I came to realize the true reason that I moved so quickly was because I wanted to control what I saw and how I was seen… because I was afraid that in the slowness of life that Ashland offers I would truly be seen, and what if people didn’t like who I was? What if I didn’t like who I was? And what if I discovered that I was too ill-equipped to truly be helpful to the community around me?
Over the next few months and into my second year of service, I have taken those words from that Cheyenne elder to heart. As I’ve learned to slow down, I have come to see shifts in the ways that I see myself and my greater Ashland community. In slowing down, I have come to learn more about myself and the real reasons why I love and have been loved by those around me. In slowing down, I have come to value myself not just for my usefulness but in being Cathy. In slowing down, I have come to see my little corner under the Big Sky not only for its needs but the profound love, joy, resilience and strength of the people it holds beneath it.
Slowing down has better allowed me to live out the core value of spirituality, and how I wanted to define my spirituality. It was here that I was reminded that as a practicing Catholic, grounded in liberation theology, I believe that the Kingdom of God is the here and now. While I may not see the end of poverty, hunger, or homelessness in our lifetime, it is my job to help bring the Kingdom of God in all the ways that I can, because it is not in the distance, it is in the here and now. I take tremendous comfort in this realization.
Because again, what is the hurry about? Sure, I could impress people with the number of food backpacks I made, the number of retreat and mass plans laid out, the organization in the new slide decks and excel sheets I have shared, or the number of emails that I have sent. The to-do list will forever stay long, no matter where I am, even in rural Southeastern Montana. In slowing down, I have learned that what matters is the way that I show up for those around me.
A true glimpse of the Kingdom of God is found in the love that I share with the first grader who comes up to give me the biggest bear hug in the morning.
A true glimpse of the Kingdom of God is gripping the hands of both strangers and friends as we participate in the round dance at powwow
A true glimpse of the Kingdom of God is found in the peace I feel walking my favorite Cheyenne elder to her car after our meetings
A true glimpse of the Kingdom of God is found in re-learning geometry with the senior student sitting right across from me in the dormitory.
A true glimpse of the Kingdom of God is found in the joy that is felt in the exuberant hand motions that littles bring to every Mass song we sing and doing it too even though it feels silly.
A true glimpse of the Kingdom of God comes in sitting across from my supervisor and feeling a sense of calm and ease in our intergenerational collaboration
A true glimpse of the Kingdom of God comes in gazing at the stars shining bright in the sky every single night.
As I think about Billy Joel’s song, that is Vienna. This idea of Vienna that he writes about is the Kingdom of God. As the elders of this community have taught me, we are only on this Earth for so long. Might as well enjoy it! My two years in Ashland have taught me that I don’t need to live up to others’ expectations or even the high ones I set for myself to be loved or celebrated. I am loved and celebrated simply for being who I am and giving my unique all for those around me every single day.
Ashland, thank you for being my Vienna. For the community I enter next, I will strive to do the same for them what you have done for me. Néá’eše! Aho
